Welcome to Joshua’s World.

On the second day of Lunar New Year, I actually blew my top off in the family. Its something I feel he’s trying to test my limit of patience. Over the past few days I have been very unhappy with the things he did. I couldn’t express out even I did also to my parents and all I get was just defenses from my mother. Finally, the moment he stepped on the button and I just explode almost immediately. Lucky, dearest was there to control the situations otherwise I couldn’t imagine how things will turn into.

I’m furious on how much I need recognition from my mother. All these years what had happened to me and what I have today is an achievement for me. I just need time to prove more things. I have no intentions to upset my parents especially my father but I have no choice. I do not know any where or any method to vent my frustrations, anger, worries or whatever you called. When I always accumulate I tend to have headaches or even stomach pains. What can I do? When things is unsettled at the end of the day? I have to keep quiet and endure or just don’t bother. I do have self-respect and that’s why I have to bother. If I do not bother I will not even show any form of expression.

At times I just hate dearest for not standing same line as I do to consider my point of view and consider my fault. But what can I do? I’m just so straightforward and I have difficulties in expressing myself. I admit myself that I can be straightforward till offend people unknowingly.

Actually, I do not like to talk to him or do not like any of his comment. As long as he speaks, will just irks me. Because the thought he beating up a defenseless sister is just unbearable.” How can a brother just be freely after beaten up the sister for not just once without any punishment?!” The images of him beating me keep flashing back to me reminding me he is just a jerk! How I wish justice can be done from the start but unfortunately police will not interfere with family issues though what he did is considered to be criminal offense.

Maybe its really time that I should just try to implement what dearest says. I know I will be living in hell at first but I left with no choice to live on.

Hopefully, end of this week I will receive good news from my current school in order for me to register myself for the March intake. Can’t wait for any longer I need to have the paper and get myself a good career!

Now on the train going to dearest place and just woke up 2 hours ago. Slept almost 12hours wanted to sleep more but dearest keep calling my house end up so unwillingly to wake up.
Yesterday got home early as I had gastric pain and daddy came to pick mr up with mummy asking me why I got home early. =_=! Not necssary I have to be back home late ma. Anyway I’m going to reach and pack lunch for dearest and myself. Ciao

I just hope everything will falls in the right place, right module, right topic and right time for both of my papers!

1234, I love you

Give me more lovin then i’ve ever had

make it better when i’m feeling sad

tell me that i’m special even when i know i’m not

make me feel good when i feel hurt so bad

barely getting mad, i’m so glad i found you

i love being around you

you make it easy

as easy as 1, 2

1,2,3,4

there’s only one thing, two do, three words, four you

i love you

there’s only one way, two say, those three words and that’s what i’ll do

i love you

gave me more love from the very start

piece me back together when i fall apart

tell me things that you don’t even tell your closest friends

make me feel good when i hurt so bad

best that i’ve had

i’m so glad i found you, i love being around you

you make it easy

it’s as easy as 1,2

1,2,3,4

there’s only one way, two do, three words, four you

i love you

there’s only one way, two say, those three words and that’s what i’ll do

i love you

i love you

The song is in simple words that filled with warmth. Love doesn’t have to be in big words and I know you are a man who don’t know how to express your love in words but only expressed by actions. I’m glad you did because guys I used to date with guys who simply used words and not actions. You make me understand what is patience and love because you are very patience towards me and never a day rush me anything and shown me unconditional love with unknown future what is it going to be like. I hope we will end our first chapter and write together a brand new second chapter with new member. I love you dearest!

Just the last few days before my papers and I have been studying hard for it and hope everything will falls smoothly in place. But my little boy seems to know that I have neglected him for the past few days or a week that he is trying to catch my attention. Baby boy please endure a while more while mummy focus on exams okay?

I have some plans after my exams which is to collect my Ralph Lauren items which I ordered for Chinese New Year, choose and purchase a new sliding door wardrobe to replace my old wardrobe and definitely pack and rearrange the furnitures in my room to welcome a brand new year. I’m still thinking whether to go for rebonding or remain as it is now but dearest love my perm-ed hair but its hard to maintain perm-ed hair.

Well… I’m glad that my face show improvement on the condition that my scars has lighten and those flare up condition don’t have to extract but I just consistently use the products will helps to subside the condition. Hee…

I going to head back to my books again. Believe it or not, I’m actually enjoying this last chance of studying for my diploma. Maybe it is because is my last 2 papers and I know I have to do well and most importantly it will be strike off in my resolutions for the Year 2009. Alrights. Got to go!

Dear I want to take this chance to thank you for being in every part of my life. Being with me during my ns, being with me duing my diploma studies, being with me duing my university studies and lastly now being with me when I am jobless. I know not many girls will go thru this road with a guy and you have did it. I promise you I will make it all worthwile for you alright?? I promise you once the storm is over I would bring you the rainbow. Dear sorry for all the bad stuff I made you go thru.. i know it was not easy for you but it was not easy for me too. I hope you did not regret being with me since 15 april 2004, I know i didn’t.

I love you.

This week is officially my last week of class and next week will be my study week as well as the week after next is my final papers which will lead me to official leaving school. Today, didn’t have class so slept till very late and dad was at home and he drop me off at Plaza Singapura and off he went to office. Initially, I ask him for a lift to his office and I take mrt down to Orchard but while on the way down had change of plans with dear and dad drop me off at Plaza Singapura instead! Hee… Super duper sweet daddy lo… Mad loves for him!

Watched Cirque  Du Freak: Vampire’s Assistant, initially I was worried that it was a horror movie but turns out to be a great movie instead. I got so attracted to John C. Reilly who cast as Darren’s mentor and when he appears I smile without me noticing. Not sure why though but he’s definitely cute! Anyway after the movie we head down to his school to check out the bachelor course, the only thing I have to comment about his school is that they are damn bloody money sucker and worst than a blood thirst – Vampire. Damn! Had dinner nearby his school and our dinner was cheap and yummy… Service and food is awesome, definitely going back again. After dinner head down to Kaplan to check out bachelor course again but this time the respective sales personnel had knock off and so left my contact number and left the place to roam around Orchard central. Went to their rooftop with my dearest and the view is duper awesome! He says “It might be the tallest shopping centre in Orchard!” Anyway we left home pretty early as we was tired after a whole day of walking.

Well.. Got to turn in early and head down to see a doctor for my skin condition like after so long finally, I get my ass to the doctor which is highly recommended by my course mate. Hope it works like miracle for me! *Keeping my fingers crossed*

This time my new year didn’t have the mood to celebrate in the countdown but instead went over to Aaron’s place to celebrate his birthday but this year we did not leave early just like any other year and stayed till most people leaves. Was the last minute decision after our movie date with gary at Jurong Point.

So far everything has been quite well for me in terms of school, relationship expect for family has tiny weeny bit of problem caused by my brother as usual. As I say so is that I’m very proud of myself that I did well for my Business Law assignment which somehow I thought I might just get a average pass but instead I scored! However, mid-term results would only be released next tuesday. Heard from the lecturer that those people who leave the room after 30minutes later score better grades then the ones before 30minutes. Anyway, I’m quite happy and is my push to study further and strive harder for my last 2 results.

Been catching quite a few movies lately and it is addictive and tiring. Not sure how to explain though. Anyway I have been quite disciplined that I did not splurge like before because I promised my dearest I would save up and when our wedding comes I get to have my bulgari rings and his birthday of course which is on May and I plan to book a 3days 2 nights at Ritz Carlton, a wallet of his choice and a mystery present. All this going cost me a bomb. But I’m sure he’s going to enjoy on that day. I hope he not going to see this post otherwise he would bug me on his mystery present.

I’m left with barely 3 weeks to my last day of school and I WILL BE GRADUATED FROM MIS! I will definitely be. After my exams I swear I going to have a mass shopping and schools hunting. Still deciding whether to go genting as he don’t like to go genting. He rather go for a longer duration holiday to enjoy and relax. But definitely I’m planning to go Europe with dearest very very soon maybe for my diploma graduation holiday. Otherwise would be some where nearer. To be confirmed. Hee…

Just got back from supper as dinner which was packed back was horrible and dear went to pick up my textbook from my course mate and brought me to eat since his dinner at Tampines Sakura wasn’t good too. Had yummy fish, omelette and our favorite veggie. Both of us enjoyed the fish very much and will be our frequent place to eat out. Damn! Like that how to go on diet?! Sigh!

As I would be busy with 2 assignments and will only be enjoying myself a little before my final exams after the submission date. I have an urgent assignment to submit this coming tuesday and I have yet to start anything. Will have to rush out before tomorrow bedtime so that I could go on date with my dearest.

Guess  I would want to list down my wish list for Year 2010:

- Officially graduate from Diploma in Sales & Marketing

- Decided and enroll myself in Bachelor program

- Get a worthwhile part time job while studying

- Slim down

- Good complexion

- Save lots of money for our future

- Give dearest a unforgettable 27th birthday

- New wardrobe with new clothes

- 37″ tv

Feeling stressed mentally but I’m actually relaxing by watching television as normally I would not hogging on to the television but today I came across this program as the Life Transformer 2 really touches my heart deep down. I’m thinking about doing some volunteer work when I’m available. Actually, I have been wanting to do since years ago but its just not a courage to do so. I would definitely contact some of the society after Chinese New Year as I would be free from studies.

I just hope that I could really have the courage to bring words into action. Guess I would do a 2010 revolution plan as soon as possible once I’m more settled down with my studies.